Thursday, July 11, 2002

Ok, I think I'm about to risk sounding preachy, but I've got important stuff to say, so please read up!! :)

I don't know how many of you have these sorts of days, or how many of you would believe that I have these sorts of days...but yesterday was one of those days....those days where you feel like the worst person that ever lived and that you have nothing good to offer and that you should just forget about it cuz it's too hard. Ever feel like that? I went through a year-long period just like that when I was about 18. Now I only get that feeling every once in a great while, and I know more now than I did then, so it doesn't last long. But anyway, all I wanted to offer about that is this...when you feel that way, please just go to bed with the hope that the next day, or the day after that or the day after that, it will feel better. Because eventually it will.

About six months after I had finally climbed out of my depression, I took a trip to Mexico with three good gal friends. It wasn't really a vacation, we were there to help out where we could with what was a somewhat dangerous situation in Chiapas, but even at that we experienced all the amazing things (and more) that one does when they take an extended vacation. I have a vivid memory of riding on a rickety old bus back from a little village, sitting next to kids and old people and chickens, looking out the window and crying a cry of absolute joy. I was thinking how happy I was that I never gave up on life, back when things seemed so very unbearable. 18 months is a long time to wait for a sign that there is still more to be experienced, more worth hanging around for, but it was well worth it.

Last night wasn't nearly so dramatic. I just went to bed feeling sad, and woke up feeling happy. I know it's not always that simple or instantaneous (for any of you who have ever been through a depression), but it's a cycle all the same. Things will ALWAYS get better. There are ALWAYS things worth living for.

I know I sound really serious, and I suppose I am. But I'm calm. This is one of those things that I just know, and I want to share. I also want to advise everyone not to run from the rain, the next time it's raining. I spent the afternoon outside in a hailstorm yesterday, and it made me feel young and free and like there were things I've been missing out on that I don't want to miss out on anymore. "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may..."
I have to repeat this again. Life is SOOOOO short. Please go out there and enjoy it, and please invite me along if you think of something incredible, even if it's just a sunset.

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