I WAS planning on sitting down to try to re-write my entry from the other night, but that's all gone now. Basically, I had been talking about how strange it was for me to realize that all my co-workers are married with children, even though most of them are about my age. Then I was talking about divorce and blah blah blah. I want to talk about something different now, but relationships all the same.
I got a letter from a friend today in which he was mentioning that women are basically phonie balonies when they say that they want sensitive men. He was pointing out that he is a sensitive man and good listener, to boot, but that women (possibly as a result of those qualities in him) end up thinking about him in strictly friendship terms. He has decided to treat women the way they say they don't want to be treated, and see how far that gets him (I'm thinking and hoping that last part was said kind of tongue-in-cheek).
Now, I have to say that I am no exception to the women-go-for-assholes phenomenon. I can't explain this, I have no idea where it comes from and why we do it. Hmm, but that's not really true because I know it has a lot to do with self-esteem. I guess our choices in men are reflections of how we view ourselves and what we think we deserve. So my advice to my friend would be to seek out women who have a stronger sense of self. They are the ones who will appreciate his finer points.
I'd like to think that I'm past going for jerky boys. I mean, right now I wouldn't dream of dating another one, which I think has to do with me having grown up and seen enough to know what will make me happy in the long run. Time will tell.
The other part of this is that I think the jerky men (and women) are all about low self-esteem as well. It takes a strong person to be able to be with an AMAZING person and still feel like you are okay, or that you are deserving of that person. So it makes sense that those with serious self-doubts will choose to put-down the people that they are in relationships with. As long as you are able to keep them doubting themselves, they will be afraid to leave you. So I think that those with a stronger sense of self will automatically want to be with somebody who helps them to shine, rather than blocks their light from escaping.
And in this area I know I'm getting better. I want to glow, dangnabbit!
This is my rather simplistic take on things, but it's as much as I know about all this (or as much as I feel like writing about it anyway). I only know cool people (aren't all people cool?), so it's my hope that all my friends will end up with people who appreciate them and treat them like the cool people that they are. Life is SO SO SO SO short. No need to waste it with people who bring us down...we are better off alone.