Mmmm, remember PeeWee's Playhouse? Of course you do. Well, I've got a word for the day. Today's word is........drumroll.......LOVE (I hope you're all screaming). Why would I pick such a HUGE little word? Because I feel like it, and because I'm presently trying to understand some previously misunderstood facets of this HUGE little word. My thoughts and my desire to understand were prompted by an article I read this afternoon titled, "Is There a Better Way to Love?" I didn't plan on getting much out of this article, seeing as I glanced ahead and saw that it was only three pages long (what can you say in three pages?!), but I decided to go ahead and give it a chance to change my way of thinking (you can say a lot in three pages).
The article was written by a man who was interviewing the Buddhist teacher Joseph Goldstein, founder if the Insight Meditation Society. What he has to offer on the subject is the idea that love and attachment are two separate concepts completely, which cannot possibly co-exist. Goldstein asserts that love is made of a giving energy, and that attachment is based in the act of holding. He says, "We've been bamboozled into thinking that attachment gives us something, provides some security for love. But it doesn't enhance love in any way. How could holding ever enhance giving? Instead of creating a relationship of beauty, attachment creates a bond of fear." Ok, this is something that I've been hearing about for years and years, but I can honestly say that it's never sunk in until recently. I think I finally understand the idea of "if you love something, let it go." I mean, I understood it in the literal sense...if you love your girlfriend, and she goes far far away for college, but she comes back in four years and wants to be together again, well, then that certaining seems like love (if it's meant to be, it'll come back to you). The part that I think I hadn't gotten until now, is that this concept is true even if the test is not letting somebody go in the physical sense. You have to let go even as the person is sitting right beside you. I am reminded of something that somebody once said to me about love. They said, "I don't want to be with somebody because I have to, because I don't think I could live without them. In fact, I want to know that I could live without them, that way I'll know we're together simply because we lift each other up...not because we would sink without each other." Ok, maybe it wasn't said in that many words, but the sentiment remains unchanged, and I think the statement really coincides with the article.
I want to relax in love. I don't want to be jealous, scared, or coast through things with my defenses up. I think that's a BIG part of the problems that people experience in relationships...defenses. When I say coast, it's because I think that having defenses up keeps people from experiencing the depths of love, it's like coasting over the surface of the water instead of just diving in. And I mean love in every area. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just see our loved ones, feel them and what it's like to love and be loved by them, and then just relax instead of trying to control every last little thing? I think so...I'm gonna try letting go a little bit, see where that takes me.